Just Like a Star

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh.,..
Your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

At what point do you put YOUR happiness first?

I don't ask this for my own reassurances but I find myself pondering it for someone I know.

When do you walk away from a bad marriage? At what point are you allowed to leave without feeling guilty because of the children "left behind?" Is it better to have a inferior marriage for the kids sake or surrender so your children will grow to understand what love and affection truly is, whether from a new relationship or just you being on your own and content?

At what point do you, for once in your life, put yourself above all others and finally realize it's okay to be happy?

It's a tough concept for me to understand - maybe because I am an independent spirit, it's easy for me to chose the harder road, the one where I would have to venture off solo. Though divorce can be excruciating for kids, I also know that staying in an unhealthy relationship can cause more damage in the long run.

But many in this situation, I find, stay for the kids - or, they claim, for themselves so they don't miss out on anything in the children's lives. Understandable. However, we as adults are here to set examples for them. Define how things should be. Do we define marriage as miserable, full of screaming, yelling, name calling, being with someone you aren't in love with, someone you avoid whenever possible? Or should we define it as the phenomenal thing it is meant to be? Can't we let them know adults make decisions that turn out to be the wrong ones in the end? That you can, indeed, move forward from them, learn from them? Or do we show our children that any choice you have made in life will be one you have to learn to live with forever?

I love my children. I really truly do. But I don't think ever sacrificing my happiness will give them happiness of their own.

So really. The question remains, at what point do you put your happiness first?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Simple statement. So true. As I found from another poster online:

"The expression simply means that beauty, as a universal concept, has no intrinsic and/or set meaning, definition or even value for that matter. Or if you like, it is a collectively undecidable notion, since its definition is inherently and purely observer-based. It also implies that "to each its own". In other words, each individual may interpret the idea of beauty (of people, objects, thoughts, etc.) according to his/her own biased, genetic, emotional, cultural, social and spiritual needs, proclivity and predilection ."

Okay, so where did I pull this thought out from? In recent times I've had friends speak of their spouses, a stranger walking on the street, a neighbor ~ talking about their "perfect bodies," "head turning looks" so on and so forth. And when I've looked at who they are speaking of, I couldn't have disagreed more. Our world is an interesting one ~ our perspectives all differ and, I find, it's what makes our world a more compelling place to be.

Don't ask me where I'm going with this post because I honestly have no idea. Just one of those mind wandering days.....

What's lost has been found again

About six years ago now, I lost my brother, my niece, my sister-in-law. An accident didn't pull them out of my life but an unfortunate reaction to a situation I was no part of. I don't blame him really. In life we all have those knee jerk reactions that we look back on and say, "Wow, I screwed that one up." Been there, done that. As humans, we instinctively do what we need to survive and carry on with our lives to the best of our abilities. That's what he did - it's what, at the time, he had to do.

But I'll be honest. I've missed him. A lot. Many times I would sit and wonder what life would be like when my parents pass on and I'm left with nobody from my childhood. To have no siblings, for me anyway, was a scary thought. Who would be left to share the memories of past Christmas's, rotten tales of the parents, abuse of each other?

He and I are 7 years apart. The age spread made it hard growing up - you don't have that closeness that you may have when you are only 2 years apart from your sibling and forced to share a room, friends, clothes. But my memories are deep. Memories of him and his friends trying to convince me it would be "okay" to drive a car (at 11 years old mind you) to aid them in stealing Grimmace from the outside of McD's; the way I would irritate him when he'd have a girl over and I'd find reason after reason to try and go into his room (I bet he really appreciated this at the time given he was a typical horny teenage boy); how we would have bitch sessions about the parents and tell tales that we would never raise our kids the same (and we haven't either! Way to go both of us!!); the way that I knew he always had my back and wouldn't let a soul hurt me no matter how much of a hard time he gave my way.

This past Monday, things took a turn. After all these years, my brother finally called and here we are now, moving forward with each other in our lives again. As it should be.

I'm glad. I'm really, really glad. Now I'm fortune enough to have not only him in my life but a terribly funny sister in law, cute-as-a-button 9 year old niece and a rambunctious 4 year old nephew. I think our relationship will be closer now that we've both had six years to mature and think of what was lost.... I feel as though he missed out on so many things in my life with his nephews and niece. But there is always tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that. Somehow, someway, I'm sure we'll make up that time.

The Sickies Invade

May I just say having a sick kiddo in the house is terrible??? Believe it or not, it has been just about two years since anyone has had even a minor little cold.... I've always credited the vitamins they take, standard bedtimes each night, diets. Now here I sit with a sick little girl who is snoring in the background as I write this.

I know, I know. Everyone gets sick. It's "average" to have 4-6 colds a year. But I've been spoiled. How wonderful it's been not dealing with the sad doe eyes, the warm little foreheads, the non-existent appetites.

Teagan, aka "Drama Queen," really had it going last night and I just couldn't understand why... the not listening, off in la-la land, the dramatics of it all. Then in the middle of the night it started - 12:30pm "Mom, my throat hurts. Can I have something to drink?".... 2:00am "Mom, I'm thirsty again. Can I have more of that water?"... 4:30am "I really need to get up and use the bathroom." And so on it went. Now today she hasn't ate but two bites of food and is already sleeping at 6:30. I'm hoping she will shake the big part of this before school starts up again on Tuesday and that by some HUGE miracle, no one else will catch wind of this lovely little cold.

I think the worst of it isn't the "inconvience" of a cold but how you just can't do anything to help your child. Knowing that she doesn't fully get why she's feeling so dumpy, that I can't do anything really to take it away. So I do what I can. Sit on the couch and watch The Suite Life of Zac and Cody (which, I must say, is the most dreadful thing I've had to sit through in recent times). Cuddle under 20 quilts. Tell her I'm sorry.

I sure hope tomorrow is a much better day for us all.

OH, Drama!

Enter now the Clay County School District.

What an unbelievable wreck of an entrance for poor Cameron. Flashback to November 2008 - upon knowing we would be moving into the district for a January 2009 start, we provided the system with Cam's current, LEGALLY BINDING IEP for review - and, so we thought, to help with a smooth transition.

Flash now to Tuesday, January 6th, 2009. When I go to pick him up from his first day, early mind you so I can "meet the teacher", I thought my eyes must be seeing things they shouldn't. Cameron was in an autism program room with very low functioning children who weren't potty trained, had terrible behaviors and, according to the teacher, "maybe learn a letter a week if lucky." Yet here is my son, reading, writing, doing simple math, telling time, counting money. Now, correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't that sound like an incorrect placement? The teacher sure thought so.

Off I go to chat with the principal to see what can be done. Her answer? "I will not move THAT kid for weeks, if even then. You need to deal with that." Hmmm. Too bad for her she didn't know who she was dealing with. I don't "deal" with anything, especially when it comes to my children. I'm the protective mother hen and will stop at nothing to do what is right, appropriate and deserved to and for them.

In the last week to summarize briefly, I have had encounters with the school Superintendent of Clay County, the State of Florida filing complaints, both the Director and Supervisors of ESE, the principals of two schools... just to name a few. I plan to stop no time soon. My goal? Compensation for loss of school time, therapy time for Cameron. Loss of work for the lovely principal of the school who has no right to be working with children. Proper placement for Cameron.

I've pushed all sorts of buttons and it looks as though the school district is now going to provide support for Cameron to attend our home school, Thunderbolt, where Alex goes. We have a meeting set for Monday at 7:30 where I will then be able to tell if this will all work out or not. If not, I found a wonderful private school willing to open their arms to Cameron that he can start on Tuesday. Time will tell. I will update when I have more......

Welcome to Florida

Ah, it's official - the Davis Clan has relocated to Northern Florida from the frigid winter of Virginia. So sudden? No. Two years ago Florida was a consideration that didn't pan out. Fast forward to now where Dan got an amazing position with a new company and we are living just down the way from the folks - finally, some help! Yeah!!!

The kids are happy, so so happy. I sit back and watch the changes that have transpired in their personalities, less fighting amongst each other. It was 100% the best move that could have been made for us all.

So here's where we're at:

Dan is working for a company called Taleo in Jacksonville, FL. Don't ask what he does. Something with computers that I will never have any understanding of. I find computers useful for internet stuff, that's all.

Alex has started the fifth grade at his new school, Thunderbolt. It is a beautiful campus with an amazing staff. I have to say, the Southerners really know how to charm someone. AND, I was thrilled when Alex was placed with a male teacher, Mr. Brown. In his "spare" time, Alex has been swimming almost daily (the ridiculously chilly water doesn't detour him), riding his bike and playing one of the obnoxious instruments my parents purchased at Christmas (electric guitar, drums and a trumpet). Please put me in a padded cell if one more musical instrument comes in these doors... I may start twitching. Alex playing the trumpet sounds like an elephant dying. Slowly. Painfully.

Cameron will be attending the same school as Alex. After much frustration with the school district, I think we have finally created the perfect placement for him. That, of course, will be for a very long winded blog post in the near future. Cam seemed to have a theme this Christmas - trains. He must have managed to collect over 20 new sets... along, of course, with ANOTHER musical instrument, the keyboard. At least this one I can "volume control."

Teagan is at a fabulous K-12 private school, St. Johns ( www.sjcds.net ). The campus is breathtaking - very open and airy, trees hanging overhead. Words cannot summarize how I feel about this school and all it has to offer for her and her future... It's my hope for her to stay until (gulp) graduation. Not surprisingly, she blended right in with the children in first grade and has already made many new friends. Teagan has been staying busy with her homework, playing with her new toys from Christmas and riding her bike with the dog. The "ultimate" toy of Christmas was her enormous dollhouse.

Beyond all that, I have managed to find a family practice doctor that is 100% supportive of our decision to not vaccinate our kids - a dental office that is friendlier than you can believe, and new friends that are opening their arms up to us.

I do indeed think Florida is going to be a good thing.